sidequest summer

23 May, 2026

cw: mentions of eating disorders

this is funny as hell to say as i've always hated the summer; it's too hot and i sweat buckets, mosquitos swarm around me, but i've never been so excited for summer to start actually this is a major improvement from the horrors of summer 2025¹. i am renewed with a sense of hope and confidence in what the future holds in store for me! what a win

ok moving on update on those volunteer opportunities it honestly isnt looking tooo.....bright for me NOT LIKE. i got fired or anything but my schedule is weird and they take too long to respond to my emails and its driving me up a wall in fear and paranoia but I believe in them and i know that they are busy. i'm honestly very scared though I really want these opportunities because i want to look good for college (rising senior....yay...) AND i want to have FUN this summer. I WANT TO get out of my house and experience the world. I WANT TO get out of my comfort zone and do shit i've always been afraid of doing. i want to go thrifting actually im not scared of thrifting or anything for that matter but i just wanna go LOL. CIT programs and camps that accepted me please email me back hahaha i would love to work with you guys nudge nudge. I actually still really need a calendar or a planner for my summer schedule cause it is jam PACKEd i am NOTTT catching a break but its ok lets work my ass off for that life that i want i believe in you kian

SPEAKING OF COLLEGE>>...........i am going to be a highschool senior next school year. it's a little jarring i'll admit but i think i scared myself into realizing that its what i do that will ultimately impact my college decisions so lets get out there. my cousin is actually going to the east coast for college and I really wanna follow his footsteps. iirc he got into NYU but thats not my dream school or anything. tuition is high as hell i'd rather not but emerson however.....emerson emerson emerson.....i love you emerson i never visitid massachusetts ever but one look at your radio station and OOH LALA. I think my dream school would be emerson...id be the cutest communication disorders major ever. I like fantasizing of a life where I am away from home and living in boston attending emerson college as a communication disorders major surrounded by loser friends (who are queer nd or furries /ref) and just overall living as who I am. I love my parents, they have done so much for me but it truly is nightmarish living under a roof with religious parents as someone who is queer and uses the internet as an outlet for his queerness. I'm not too sure on my identity to be fair, but I hardly classify myself under the genderbinary but whatever. my goals pinterest board for outfits and shit is growing I'm falling for patterned skirts with plain hoodies or like. hold on lemme grab a photo off my pinterest board.

LIKE. this is one portion of my pinterest board and its been growing on me. i'm so torn honestly like I know im not a girl or at least don't identify as one but i feel too fake to confidently say rhat I identify as a guy or anything. I present very like. androgynous or more masculine at school but I would love to wear long patterned skirts with a hoodie or anything on my pinterest board for that matter. I don't want to restrict myself to a label anymore and shove myself into a box. I am a boy just as much as I am a girl. pinnacle of boy-girlcore if I say so myself. i dont know i find skirts cute too

what is a kian life update without a love life section ugh this kid is too ANNOYING kian: STOPPPPPP STOP LEAVE ME ALONE IM JUST A HIGHSCHOOLER EVERYONE:: WHATEVER SHUT THE HELL UP INVEST IN A DIARY AND GET A PLANNER WHILE YOURE AT IT i don't even have an audience im just screaming nnothing into the void BYE. ok this is genuinely the main reason why i'm writing rn. schools been decent i learned how to do a suture today in chemistry so thats great. i was horrible at it but its ok we aren't trying to be a surgeon today. ANYWAYS. i'm waiting to be picked up after school² and i'm just sitting there scrolling on tiktok hunched over my phone its embarrassing but idont care. i really dont. i'm by like a crosswalk section and this kid from my apes class is by the crosswalk and he's there for a good 5 minutes right yeah. umm i just see him through my peripheral vision and i don't pay much attention honeslt. i dont pay much attention to my classmates at all but he starts walking in my direction so i just think oh hes gonna walk by better tuck your legs in (cause i sit on the little ledge with my legs outstretched. im not even that tall im 5'2 i dont need to be doing this.) so i do that right NO HES WALKING TOWARDS ME i'm a little nervous actually cause he's like oh excuse me and i get scared but low and behold.....HE MENTIONS HOW I"M IN SOME OF HIS CLASSES AND ASKS FOR MY CONTACT????????? holy shit dude this has to be a prank im so scared im so anxious but i fold and give my instagram

i honestly don't know if he's telling the truth or not or if this is a sick sick prank but honestly i'm leaning more towards the latter. my self esteem is bad i'm very self-deprecating so it makes sense but i just cant like. imagine honestly. it's prolly not even about a relationship or anything im just digging too deep into this but like. if this was about school then why not ask me in the classroom why specifically ask for my contact i mean like. contact makes it sound formal but you could've asked me in class but whatever its ok. i don't know its a little jarring to be fair this hasn't happened since like. 7th grade lol oops......i dont know i'm not openly genderqueer or anything but i'm definitely more androgynous masc presenting and i'm just not like. honestly that attractive. i'd say im around average a little below to be fair so i just find it kind of hard to believe sorryyy......i'm not out at all so i'm seen as a girl or like atleast gender questioning to some. i dont know. if this guy genuinely wants to pursue me romantically i don't know what to say honestly. i dont want to pull the 'oh im queer' card on him but i don't want to hide who i truly am. idk why im stressing about this i genuinely just met this guy kind of today i guess idk how i feel about him tbf.

i think what frightens me the most is the fact he has the same name as my ex.

#content warning #spring